Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
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Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
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Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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