I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
