At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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