My liver just broke up with me...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
