they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
