woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
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Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
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So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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