I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
