i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
