What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Randomize
