It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
