i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
