Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.