i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.