I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
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you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises