Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
