I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
