Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
