at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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