that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
