Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
