Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
