We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
