Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
