my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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