i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
