I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
