I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
