I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The feeling are messing with the penis
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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