The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
