woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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