After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
