She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
