i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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