the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We left the knife in your bed.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
