dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
