i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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