so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
im holly from the hills drunk
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
