I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
