I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
