We're facebook friends in real life
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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