My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
