My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
