saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
