I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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