it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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