Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
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12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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