I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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