How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
