bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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