highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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