I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
