I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
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Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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