I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
