if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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