all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
