How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
