We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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