carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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