apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Girls should come with a carfax report
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
