When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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