hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
