I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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