awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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