to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
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