I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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