He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
