It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Drake has all the answers
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
