I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize