hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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