I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
